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Quick rant!

So the for all of time – or as long as I have been paying attention- there has been a tuner battle between the Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution “Evo” and the Suburu Impreza WRX STI. Both are Japanese produced famly cars on steroids. Beefed up with big turbos, big red breaks, and big bad body styling that brings a smile to boys of all ages. The ultimate goal in this extra macho machinery is to create the ultimate vehicle for rally racing- something that Europeans do. More or less its diving like a bat outta hell as fast as you can on sometimes dirt, sometimes snow, sometimes public roads.

I’m sure that many of you have thought long and hard about, if given the choice, which car you would take. Both are fast, fun quirky road eating powerhouses that can run with Porsches, Corvettes, and sometimes Lamborhinis for less than half the price. For that very reason these two manufacturers have thought long and hard about what to offer.

With this most recent bout between to two tuner titans different knives have been brought to this carving station…. you  know you like that… Suburu has served up a sharpened butter knife in the form of a fugly unique looking hatch back!

This car has amazing perfmance. Just look at the Ken Block “Gymkhana” video to see what can be done with this purpose built machine, but ick! It’s looks are nasty! I mean, blah. Its ok looking, but most car guys I know would not consider it on looks alone. It has a very momzy grocery getter look to it. Even with its enormous hood scoop and hatch back wing its, an egg on wheels.

Now word is that in Europe they like the egg look? Not here in America. Remember that ugly Ford Focus ZX5 … yuck. How about the Audi A3, did any you know ever buy one?. Shoot even the the powerful Dodge Magnum, R/t ,Srt-8 Hemi powered and all, fell by the wayside as a result of the non-performas appearance of these, dare I say, “wagons.”

I mean its an uphill battle to convince a serious fanatic driver to drive a four door sports car. Google it- see what you come up with?

Yes, yes, I know its all about performance and rigid frames that come with the unibody hatchback configuration, but come on, It’s UGLY!!! Sure what’s on the inside counts. But whats on the outside is what you have to look at every day.

So much to my dismay the Mitsubish Motors people have scrambled up a new egg hatchback of their own.

The new Lancer Sportback (”sport back” gag me!). What sport? Carrying soccer balls?

As I was saying the new Lancer Sport back is what Mitsubishi has to offer.

In Mitsubishi’s words:

” The DNA of a high-performance sports car. The versatility of a highly configurable five-door. With 52.7 cubic feet of storage, 60/40 split fold down rear seats, FAST-Key keyless entry and a powerful 710-watt Rockford® Fosgate audio system, the Lancer Sportback is the sports car that’s into whatever you’re into.”

Hmm what if i’m into… I dont know defending my masculinity? Hanging with the fellas, at the very least lookin cool?

That’s not gonna happen in my non-station wagon station wagon.

Now I know that as of now you cannot buy an Evo X Sport back. But I feel Mitsubishi Motors just might put out a direct competitor to its Suburu counterpart.

I think its a bad idea, shoot the new evo is homely enough as it is no need to add a hump on its back to pull down its appeal any further!

So, to Mitsubishi I say about the Evo sport back DON’T DO IT!

They already have a concept though…

To Suburu- hey its cool you got your ride in the new Fast and Furious movie. But, its still ugly!

Photo credit: Jaimie Trueblood / Universal Pictures

Thanks to rSportscars.com for the photos